A Marriage Tip We Love: the "Check-In"

My husband and I recently learned a little marriage tip that we have loved! He was taught it in one of his university classes by a very inspired teacher (who is also a Marriage Family Therapist). It's one that we feel like everyone should know because it has the potential to really bless a lot of marriages. It's something so simple, but has already been a huge blessing to us.

In a recent discussion I participated in about marriage and what some of the real struggles are, I noticed that many of the comments made had some link to communication. I wanted to share this tip with everyone right then, but I didn't want to totally derail the discussion. Communication just isn't easy! And for a husband and wife, who are made to basically be opposites (I believe that to be part of God's very inspired and perfect plan), it can be especially challenging. Men and women also have different needs, and it can be hard to understand what your own needs are, let alone your spouse's!

So here's the tip we love:

The teacher who shared this called it a "check-in."

As frequently as the couple feels would benefit them, they can do these little check-in's. Whether that be once a day, once a week, or multiple times a day, or once a month. It's especially helpful to do when you can sense that something is a little off with your spouse- like they have a need that you and they cannot easily identify.

The Check-In

Ask each other these questions and really listen to the answers. You can switch off asking the questions one by one, or take turns asking them all in a row. Just allow plenty of time for the spouse to answer each one.

1. How are you physically?
2. How are you emotionally?
3. How are you spiritually?
4. How are you intellectually?
5. How are you sexually?


It's so simple, but we've found that it has helped us to learn more about each other, understand each other more fully, and to be able to meet each other's needs more easily and more fully. I love how it encompasses the many parts of an individual- we are each physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and sexual beings!

Sometimes I won't even know what my need is, but I know that I'm feeling kind of empty. As my husband asks me these questions, we find that I linger on one or two of the different topics/questions. And as we discuss further, we're able to find what it is that I am lacking. The same has gone for him! Even though we communicate often and are always wanting to help each other, we found that these five questions have really helped us cut right to finding what it is we can do for each other that would be the most helpful and meaningful.