A True Companion: Thoughts on Companionship and Marriage

I love reading about Alma and Amulek in the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon and Bible truly contain some of the most incredible and powerful examples of companionship.

Alma and Amulek became united in the work of teaching the gospel to a people who initially hated them. Alma had already been thrown out of the city once, but was commanded by the Lord to go back and teach the people there again. When he went back to the city, he was received by Amulek, a man who lived in the city and had been prepared by an angel to receive Alma. Amulek cared for Alma, gave him food and shelter, and then joined him on his journey to teach the people.

They experience amazing things together! They passed through trials (probably the most intense trials they had ever faced) together, and also experienced inexplicable joy together! Their experiences remind me of my days on the mission and of my life now with my wonderful eternal companion!

There is so much that we could write about Alma and Amulek and their companionship -the countless times they defended and supported each other while being verbally attacked by all those around them, the times they felt incredible surges of the spirit together, and the times they encouraged each other to keep enduring as they suffered in prison- but I want to focus on just one moment that they shared together, found in Alma chapter 15, verse 18:

"Now as I said, Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord."

Two things stand out to me in this verse. Firstly, the words "all these things"...

This verse comes after chapters of suffering. Alma and Amulek had finally seen success in teaching some of the people. This group of people who listened and accepted their teachings came to know their Savior and became truly converted to His church. But there were still those who hated these missionaries and the new converts to Christ's church. They forced Alma and Amulek to watch as they took all of the new converts (women and children) and burned them in fire. They also burned all of the holy records and scriptures that the people held sacred. Witnessing this had such a deep impact on Amulek that he said to Alma (I imagine him saying it almost hopefully): "...perhaps they will burn us also." Alma and Amulek were then beaten and thrown in prison.

Also, just a few versus before this one, we learn about some of the sacrifices Amulek made when he left his home to join Alma to be a missionary. This verse gives a tiny glimpse of what he gave up:

"And it came to pass that Alma and Amulek, Amulek having forsaken his gold, and silver, and his precious things, which were in the land of Ammonihah, for the word of God, he being rejected by those who were once his friends and also by his father and his kindred;.." (Alma 15:16)

Amulek didn't just give up his property and riches, but he was rejected by his own family and loved ones when he accepted Christ.

And this is where true companionship comes in... Alma was with him through all of these things. "Alma having seen all these things..." Alma knew how Amulek was suffering, because Alma was there for Amulek. He was with him.

Elder Holland, a living apostle of the Lord today, said in a recent broadcast (LDS young adult face to face broadcast), "Love is what we go through together."

Love isn't just what we feel in a moment as we look at someone we are attracted to, and it's not just what we feel when someone gives us a nice present or box of chocolates, and it's not the feeling we have for our favorite food ("I love ice cream!")...

Love is being a true companion. It is being willing to go through anything to be there for the one you love, to stay true and loyal to them, and to lift their burdens. Alma was a true companion to Amulek because of what he went through together with Amulek.

The second principle that strikes me from Alma 15, verse 18, is that Alma took Amulek to his own house and "did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." Alma had gone through his own fair share of suffering. He must have felt physically and emotionally drained and broken after what he had just gone through. His natural man probably would have liked to go home, stop worrying about the rest of the world, and sleep for the next week. But this is the opposite of what he did. His focus was on his companion, Amulek, who he had developed a deep brotherly love for. He focused all of the time, energy, and attention necessary on helping his brother by administering unto him and strengthening him in the Lord. I imagine this included physical, emotional, and spiritual care. I imagine the tears they shed together and the healing that happened as Alma cared for his brother.

These two principles are powerful in any companionship and define love in the way that I believe God truly intended love to be expressed and understood:

1.) Truly being there for each other. Always. Being fiercely loyal. Being willing to pass through anything with your companion. Never fleeing when things get hard. It's sad, but the divorce rates today suggest that it is more popular for people to have this attitude of "when things get tough for me, I'm out of here" than to have the kind of love and devotion that Alma had for his friend and companion, Amulek.

2.) Putting your companion before yourself. When Amulek was suffering, Alma was suffering too. This isn't only because Alma was also in prison and being beaten. It is always this way in a family. Family science research shows that families are interconnected in such a way that when one member suffers, each individual in the family is also affected. When another person in your family is suffering, and so you are likewise being affected, it is easy to focus on your own suffering. It is easy when we are suffering to turn inward and look for ways to help ourselves, but a true companion turns first to their companion and looks for ways to support them. A true companion worries about lightening the burdens of their companion before settling on feeling sorry for himself/herself.

While many of us look at these principles (Be there for your companion and Put your companion first), we will think, "I sure wish my husband/wife treated me that way." This is our natural man/woman speaking to us. Those are the exact thoughts we need to change within ourselves. I know that as we learn to forget ourselves (meaning to stop feeling sorry for ourselves, to stop thinking of our needs as our highest priority, to stop dwelling on how unfair our life is), and as we begin to start putting our companion as our focus and priority (like Alma did), that we will begin to find true joy. Instead of asking ourselves, "Why doesn't my husband/wife do that for me?", we can learn to ask ourselves, "What can I do today to lift my husband/wife's burdens? What can I do today that would make my husband/wife feel incredibly loved and happy? What can I do today that will make his/her day brighter?"

While these principles are important in all of our relationships, I know they are especially essential in marriage. Our marriage partner is our most important companion, after God and Jesus Christ alone.

The secret to happiness in life really isn't a secret at all! In fact, God gave us the recipe in the first two commandments: Love God, then love your neighbor/brother/sister/husband/wife/mother/father/teacher/stranger!

I am so grateful to God for the incredible examples of companionship that He has placed in my life: my parents, my sister, my treasured relatives and friends, my mission companions, and most of all my husband, who will be my companion for eternity!

(photo w/ quote made by Seth!)

(gemsofwisdomquotes.blogspot.com)

Then Ye Will Always Abound in Good Works

We had an excellent lesson in my SFL 100 (Strengthening Marriage and Family) class today about "The Meanings and Blessings of Family Work."

When Adam and Eve had to leave the Garden of Eden, Adam wasn't cursed by having to begin working... the ground was cursed "for his sake." The fact that the ground would now bring forth thistles and briers instead of automatically flourishing with fruits and life enabled Adam the opportunity to work for his family and with his family. Work is intended to be a blessing to us and our families!

Some interesting facts about how family work has changed since industrialization:
-fathers' work went from centered in the home to taking him away from the home
-housework and homemaking are considered menial tasks...and now those tasks are looked down upon. Work that requires complete focus and brain activity is valued far more in our society than the everyday menial tasks of maintaining a home.
-children (because they started working away from the home, and then were sent back to the home after child labor laws were passed) are no longer expected to work the same way as part of the family. Their privilege is playing while mom does the housework. Many think that if they do work, they should be paid.
-Industrialization increased isolation in family work. Instead of all of the family members working together to maintain the household, fathers leave the home, mothers work to maintain the home, children play or do homework, etc.
-the home is no longer a producing place, but a consuming place.
-children are seen as liabilities rather than assets.
-modern technologies meant to make housekeeping easier have actually made mom's work more demanding. She feels more isolated now, there are higher expectations for the home, home's are bigger and require more maintenance, and more time is actually required for housework than before in order to meet those expectations.
-Time is worth so much in our minds these days that we are more worried about getting the jobs done rather than enjoying the journey. The focus is on efficiency.

These are just a few ways that family work has changed over the years. But we don't have to let these modern changes squelch the potential for great family work in our own homes!

Here are some ways we can enjoy and take advantage of family work today!:

-Take advantage of the menial tasks that don't require lots of brain work. Doing these jobs as a family, or with a few family members, actually enables family members time to connect and bond. Because your mind isn't required to do the work, your mind is available to interact and connect with your family! Nowadays we often like to keep our brains busy in every possible second (checking our phones, using social media), but having a time when your mind is free to wander and connect with loved ones is extremely valuable and healthy for you and your family!
-Instead of stressing about efficiency, we can make our time spent doing work more effective by using it to teach our children and connect with our family members. It may not be efficient to let your 4 year old help you do the dishes, but it is one of the best ways to teach your child valuable lessons, to create special bonds, and to maintain a family focus even while doing chores.
-Teach children that work is a lifestyle! It isn't something they can just do at home whenever they want when they want to earn some money. It's great to offer extra opportunities for children to earn some money when they are saving up for something, but by teaching them that there is always basic work required, your children will be more prepared for a productive and happy family life in their future.
-Dad's can remember that their work doesn't end when they come home from their job. Just like for mom, the work never actually ends. Dad's work just changes from the work environment to the home environment.

It could seem discouraging for both parents and kids to look at work as something that never ends, but this is a more recent negative perspective change that we can potentially reverse. Back when work was required of all family members on a regular basis (on the farm, etc), families learned to enjoy their work together! It wasn't just seen as an endless list of to-do's, but they spent the time talking, laughing, and sometimes making games out of the work. It was industrialization that largely contributed to the new idea we have that work and the rest of our lives should be separate, and that work cannot be enjoyed.


A wise husband was once was confronted by a woman and asked, "Tell me, do you really believe that a woman's first place is in the home?"
The wise husband replied boldly, "Yes." Then continued, "And so is a man's."

As we learn to have these changes in perspective- that family work can be enjoyed, that it is an important part of our home life, that it should be focused on effective (with teaching moments and  connecting moments) rather than efficiency- I believe we can create a more positive and hard working culture for our future families and generations.

"And see that ye have faith, hope and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works."
-Alma 7:24 (The Book of Mormon)