Faith crisis. It is not uncommon. Many of us have or will experience this someday. A time where you begin to question things you don't want to question. You feel the uncertainty of having to examine the very foundation under your feet. You feel the discomfort of sitting in the unknown and knowing you have to step further into it before getting out- if there is an out. It's a scary place to be.
Ever since I was about 12 years old, I've had a growing and deepening love for Jesus Christ, and closely tied to that love, a love for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Church is the source through which I've learned about Jesus Christ and grown to love Him, so in my mind Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were inseparable.
In the past year, I have had my faith challenged. I've had new ideas and perspectives brought to my attention. I've studied the history of families and women. I've studied the history of the Church I belong to. And I have discussed and analyzed some controversial topics along the way. I've had intervals lasting months in which I've struggled to feel that God was there. I've struggled with questions about my identity and role as a woman, my place in the church, my place in the world, my place in my family, historical questions, doctrinal questions, etc. I've tried to be open to listening to the perspectives and ideas of others- including those who believe differently than I do.
When I was 12 years old, I began to read the Book of Mormon for myself. Because I wanted to. I remember highlighting lines that touched me with a red pencil. I remember the feelings that overwhelmed me as I read. Once I was 10 or so pages into the book, I realized I was highlighting everything red, so nothing stood out anymore! I didn't understand everything I read. But I understood how I felt. I felt good. I felt inspired. I felt God's love. I felt that I had a Savior who knew me.
Fast forward 14 years, and I'm questioning things I hadn't questioned since then. I had questions about my testimony, about the church I belong to, about the prophet Joseph Smith and the dramatic history surrounding his life.
I had to start from scratch in some ways. I began to take my questions back to the basics. Is this really all true?
Through all of this questioning and studying, this is the conclusion I have come to.
The Book of Mormon is still true.
The feelings and knowledge I have about my Savior burn stronger and purer as I study the Book of Mormon.
And to me the answer is that simple.
And as I've continued to step forward, the cloudy fog that surrounded me for a time has dissipated more and more, and left me feeling the light again. In new, bigger ways.
The Book of Mormon cannot be partially true. It cannot simply be a well-done piece of historical literature. Jospeh Smith very clearly stated that it was translated from an ancient record by the power of God. That was either true, or was a lie. And I have chosen for myself that it has to be true. We all have to choose that for ourselves. And the answer will not satisfy us if it comes from someone else. The answer to that question only satisfies me when it comes from God, who is my source of truth.
Jospeh Smith was a man. He was not the Savior. He was not perfect. He was an ordinary man, with an extraordinary task from God, and an extraordinary determination to be worthy of that task. He was a man with sins, flaws, weaknesses, family troubles, financial troubles, questions, emotions, and concerns. But also a man who loved Jesus Christ deeply, who desired to follow Christ, who was willing to repent, who had faith, and who was willing to work to do whatever the Lord asked of him. A man like Moses. A man like Noah. A man like Peter or James or John.
Learning about intricacies of Joseph's history that are controversial to some has -perhaps contrary to what most would expect- deepened my appreciation and admiration for the prophet Jospeh Smith. I will not argue that he was perfect. I will not argue against historical evidence of things he did that seem strange in our historical and cultural context. I will not argue against the fact that he sinned, made mistakes, and acted imperfectly at times. But I will defend him as a prophet of God and a good man. I am forever grateful that he has enabled me to know more about my Savior. Because Joseph Smith was willing to do the hard things required of him, I know more about my Savior than I possibly could otherwise! I am grateful that his life, his history, his character, and the people who followed him, are all imperfect. This gives me even more confidence that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that the rest of us are all in the same boat together- we are imperfect! The only way to succeed is to rely wholly upon Him. To come to Him again and again and again. To be willing to repent and forgive. To be willing to trust Him. To be willing to do hard things. Things that stretch us until we break. And when we break, we go back to the Great Healer and ask Him to heal us again. And again. And again.
The Book of Mormon is true, and the only way it could possibly be true is that Jospeh Smith was a prophet of God, who translated the Book of Mormon by command from the Savior himself.
Tied to this testimony that the Book of Mormon is true is my conviction that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's Church on the earth today! It is His Church of the New Testament restored in these days, so that we can continue to be taught and enjoy the blessings that Christ offers through His church!
One way in which my testimony of Jesus Christ and His teachings has grown and developed through this past year is that my mind has become more open, less cautious and more faith-filled, to asking questions, thinking critically, and seeking truth.
Although I state that I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ's true church, what I do not mean is that somehow members of this church are superior, more special, or more spiritual than God's children of other faiths.
I believe that God speaks to His children and guides them all around the world, through many means! I believe that He is found in nature, through other people, through pieces of truth that come in many ways. I believe that there are people around the world of other religions who know things that I need to know! That the members of my church need to know! For example, the reverence in which those of the Jewish faith worship on the Sabbath, and the way that they really study God's word. Or the dedication with which Muslims pray! The way that the Muslim people think of Allah constantly and live their lives with such admirable dedication and faith. The deeply peaceful and spiritual feelings evoked by those who practice Buddhism. The amazing music and messages shared by my friends of non-denominational Christianity or Christianity of other sects. The love that these Christians around the world show to others. The Baptist choirs! The way in which faithful believers around the world seek God's guidance and then act on it in whichever way they know how.
I hope to follow the example of the leaders of my faith by reaching out to our friends of other faiths and learning about them! I hope I can build understanding with all of the wonderful people I meet, and that I can learn from what they have! I believe that all people who seek God and strive to live the way He asks have something to share.
Here is what I have to share-
I believe in the restoration of Jesus Christ's gospel. Restoration, meaning a gathering and resurfacing of all truth. I believe that this restoration began when Jesus Christ and God the Father appeared to Joseph Smith in answer to his prayer. Or perhaps it began long before that, through the individuals who helped the United States of America to be a country that honors freedom of religion and worship. And perhaps the restoration began with religious individuals around the world who sought greater knowledge and truth from God- like Martin Luther.
But what I have to share is that God has restored His priesthood authority to the earth. Meaning that He has restored the power needed to organize Christ's church in the exact way that Christ did when He was on the earth- with prophets and apostles. Priesthood authority also enables us to participate in sacred ordinances- like baptism, and the sacrament- with God's direction and authority. The same authority that Christ gave to His twelve disciples.
Another thing I have to share is that while God speaks to each of us individually as we seek guidance for our personal lives, He also speaks to the entire world through His chosen prophet! Today's prophet is President Russell M. Nelson! I wholeheartedly believe that he has been given authority from God to speak to the whole world and reveal to us God's word for us! What a miracle! You can listen to President Nelson speak, pray about what he says, and feel that it is truly from God.
Another thing I have to share is that families can be eternal! Because of the priesthood authority that has been restored in Christ's church, when a husband and wife are married, they can be married for eternity, rather than until death. This brings me so much joy and hope! I believe that in the next life, my husband, children, parents, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all of my relatives can still be mine! I also believe that necessary ordinances- like baptism- can be made available to all of God's children, whether living or deceased, because of the restoration of priesthood authority.
These things are all real to me because of the Book of Mormon. Focusing on anything else just won't work. Throughout the imperfect history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints- with all of the inspiration, faith, sacrifice, conflict, sin, mistakes, suffering, historical and cultural nuances- the Book of Mormon is the one thing that remains a perfect evidence of the truth of this Church through everything. It was true then, and it is true now. I believe this because I have read the Book of Mormon and have asked God if it is true. And I cannot deny my answer.
I got the same answer when I was 12 as I've gotten through faith crisis as a 26-27 year old.
And I am grateful for that.
What truths do you treasure? I hope to both share the things I treasure and learn from the things you treasure. I hope to learn from the spiritual experiences of others- regardless of our differences in religion. My greatest belief is that God loves us. Every. Last. One. Of. Us.
What is your greatest belief? If you would like to share, feel free to send me a private message or leave a comment!
