Creating a Positive Culture Around Sexuality

How are you teaching your children (or those you are responsible for teaching-including yourself) about sexuality? What messages are we sending to our little ones? If you are married, when is the last time you invested yourself in learning (and relearning) about healthy sexuality and your marital relationship? If you are single, are you consciously making efforts to have positive views and understandings about sex?

I feel so strongly that one of the very best protections and teachings for children are open, natural, and frequent conversations about sexual health and bodies. And I think kids (and adults) get so many negative messages about sex in the world, that I think as parents we should ensure that the majority of the conversations we have with kids around sexual topics are super positive. We can focus on teaching healthy sexuality and healthy sexual behaviors, and teach them about sex in the context that we believe is good and beautiful. And we can do it frequently. It can be a normal topic that just comes up in conversation in our home (just like basketball, work, school, or friends come up in natural conversation). Then when we talk to them about pornography or answer difficult questions about sexuality and our views of morality, those messages won't outweigh the positive ones and cause them to feel shame for even feeling sexual urges or being curious about sex, or having their body become aroused at something. I think if they have a solid foundation of knowing that sexual arousal is a normal and healthy part of their body, that they won't have to freak out when it happens and think that they are inherently bad or dirty. Instead they can know their bodies are healthy and normal, and that there are positive ways they can direct those God-given feelings, rather than thinking they need to view pornography or engage in risky behavior to fulfill the urges and needs they are feeling.

The silent shame culture that many of us have experienced around sex, pornography, and bodies is very unhealthy. And we have the power to change that culture through the way we choose to learn about and view sexuality, and then passing that on to our younger generations! My 3 and 2 year olds know the correct terminology of their body parts. We talk about their private parts the same way we talk about their elbows, eyebrows, noses, and bellybuttons. Along with teaching them that those particular parts are special and private. I feel proud when my son talks about his penis, and feels so positive about every part of his body. I think it's cute and healthy when he starts making connections and asks us about men and women and their different parts. I'm proud that he understands and knows the difference between female and male parts, and that his view is so innocent. The last thing I want to do is to taint him and make him feel guilty for innocent curiosity and desire to learn about EVERYTHING (including every part of his body).

I'm also proud to be teaching my daughter the CORRECT terminology for her body! Women really get the short end of the stick in this area- because many adults don't even know the true correct terminology for their body parts. Some women don't even know what body parts they have! And that's normal in some of our conservative cultures. But if we want our young girls to grow up feeling confident about who they are, instead of embarrassed, we need to change that and teach them confidently about their amazing bodies.

Teaching kids correct terminology is not only an essential way of preparing them for healthy body image and healthy relationships in the future, but it is also an essential way of protecting our children in this scary world. Our kids need to be able to clearly communicate to us about their bodies and be able to ask us clear questions. They need to be able to explain to us if they have uncomfortable (or even sexually dangerous) interactions with other kids or adults.

Creating a silent and shameful stigma around pornography, the human body, and sex in general creates many unwanted results for so many people. These negative side effects include increased pornography usage, isolation, debilitating shame, and EVEN debilitating shame, isolation, and conflict in marriages! I come from a culture that believes soooo much in the sanctity of marriage. Yet many of us struggle in our intimate relationships because we have received so little sex education or have such intense feelings of shame and embarrassment around sex, that we can't be comfortable with our sexual relationships and our own bodies. And if we can't even be comfortable with sex in marriage, how can we have the incredibly binding and fulfilling experiences that God wants us to have with our husband or wife? Not only are these experiences fun, exciting, binding, and fulfilling, but they are a key part of a healthy, connected marriage.

Sex isn't yucky, shameful, and dirty. It's connection. It's a deep connection that humans crave. A desire for connection that is God-given. A connection that is so strong it can heal, bind, and sanctify husbands and wives and their marriages.

Let's do our part to change this culture and create better outcomes for our children. I want my kids to be confident in how God made their bodies, to believe that every part of their body is good, and to treasure expressing themselves sexually in their healthy marriages someday. Sex has such amazing power to lift, connect, and renew spouses and create a marriage that is secure, safe, comforting, passionate, exciting, and so fulfilling!

A Marriage Tip We Love: the "Check-In"

My husband and I recently learned a little marriage tip that we have loved! He was taught it in one of his university classes by a very inspired teacher (who is also a Marriage Family Therapist). It's one that we feel like everyone should know because it has the potential to really bless a lot of marriages. It's something so simple, but has already been a huge blessing to us.

In a recent discussion I participated in about marriage and what some of the real struggles are, I noticed that many of the comments made had some link to communication. I wanted to share this tip with everyone right then, but I didn't want to totally derail the discussion. Communication just isn't easy! And for a husband and wife, who are made to basically be opposites (I believe that to be part of God's very inspired and perfect plan), it can be especially challenging. Men and women also have different needs, and it can be hard to understand what your own needs are, let alone your spouse's!

So here's the tip we love:

The teacher who shared this called it a "check-in."

As frequently as the couple feels would benefit them, they can do these little check-in's. Whether that be once a day, once a week, or multiple times a day, or once a month. It's especially helpful to do when you can sense that something is a little off with your spouse- like they have a need that you and they cannot easily identify.

The Check-In

Ask each other these questions and really listen to the answers. You can switch off asking the questions one by one, or take turns asking them all in a row. Just allow plenty of time for the spouse to answer each one.

1. How are you physically?
2. How are you emotionally?
3. How are you spiritually?
4. How are you intellectually?
5. How are you sexually?


It's so simple, but we've found that it has helped us to learn more about each other, understand each other more fully, and to be able to meet each other's needs more easily and more fully. I love how it encompasses the many parts of an individual- we are each physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and sexual beings!

Sometimes I won't even know what my need is, but I know that I'm feeling kind of empty. As my husband asks me these questions, we find that I linger on one or two of the different topics/questions. And as we discuss further, we're able to find what it is that I am lacking. The same has gone for him! Even though we communicate often and are always wanting to help each other, we found that these five questions have really helped us cut right to finding what it is we can do for each other that would be the most helpful and meaningful.

My Best Marriage Advice

Before getting married, my husband and I dove into the world of marriage prep! And I don't mean wedding preparation, I really mean marriage preparation. Our wedding was really quite simple, and it was perfect for us. The details of the wedding weren't really that important to us. We knew it would be a beautiful day for us, regardless of how perfect our guests thought the decorations were. What we really wanted to focus on was preparing for our life together. We knew that the wedding was special, but it was just the first day of an eternity together, and we wanted to do all we could to give the best start we could to our eternity.

Some people may have thought it was a bit over the top, but before getting married (and in our early marriage), I was enrolled in a marriage prep. class at BYU, my fiance was attending a marriage prep. institute class (a religious class held outside of the regular university hours), we were attending a marital workshop together, I was enrolled in a Family Finance class, we took an Eternal Family class together, I took a Strengthening Marriage and Family class, we read books, and basically took advantage of every opportunity we could to prepare. And I'm grateful for every single one of those little things we did! I don't regret any of it, and none of it was a waste of time. It was all worth it!

We just had our first anniversary about a month ago, so we are still newbies at marriage, and there are millions (billions) of people who have more experience than us! But I've been thinking about this post for a while now, and I thought that maybe it is worth writing. Maybe it can help someone who is beginning, or preparing for, their own marriage. Or maybe it could help someone who has been married for years! Who knows! Our marriage is far from perfect, and we're learning every day, but I can wholeheartedly and honestly say that our marriage is joyful!

Here is some of the BEST advice we received/learned in our marriage preparation:

-Pray together every morning and night. (And holding hands while praying is great:) )
This may sound basic (and maybe you've heard it a thousand times), but hearing your spouse pray for you and your family, your goals, your dreams, your struggles, is such a unifying experience. It really glues you together and helps you become one with each other.

-Read "And They Were Not Ashamed" by Laura M. Brotherson.
There are other great books like this one too, but this one is highly recommended by many, and was the best recommendation given from my own marriage prep. instructors. It teaches about what I believe is true intimacy- a combination of spiritual, emotional, and physical oneness. If you are in the dating/engagement phase, it would be best to read this book individually. If you are married, it's great to read it together!

-Be totally transparent with your finances. Create a budget and stick to it.
www.mint.com is excellent for creating a budget together. It makes it super easy to be transparent with your finances. ("Transparent" meaning that you hide nothing from each other.) You can both log in to your account any time and see what's in your bank accounts and what transactions have been made. Then you can categorize the transactions right into your different budget categories.

-Create a "Personal Money" category for each of you in your budget. My family finance teacher called it "Mad Money" (I'm not really sure why...Hahahaha). The idea is that each of you gets a little allowance each week or month (however you set it up). It could be however much you both agree on. As small as 4$ a week, or less or more. You are each allowed to do whatever you want to with your personal money. As my teacher stated it, "As long as it's moral and legal." You can save up your money to buy something you want, or you can spend it often on little things like vending machine snacks (hahaha, that was one of my favorite ways to spend it while I was a full-time student on campus. ...I could never seem to pack enough food to last me the whole day). Each person having their own personal money can prevent a lot of conflict. Many know that finances can be a source of strain in a marriage. When you each have some personal money, it gives you some independence and the freedom to choose how to spend your own money. It also can prevent arguments ("You spent our money on what????"). This way you can buy something that is valuable to you, even if it isn't something your spouse would want to spend money on. Rather than getting upset at each other, you can be at peace knowing that your spouse saved up their own personal money week by week to purchase that item/food/experience that they really wanted. We also find that having a specific category for this really helps us save money! For example, in our single days, there really wasn't a limit to how much money we could spend on eating on campus, books, or other things. But now with this budget, we are more deliberate in how we spend our money. It also gives you an opportunity to surprise your spouse by spending money on them! Sometimes I like to pick up my husband's favorite treat for him, or sometimes he surprises me by taking me out to eat. Or maybe one of you saves up to buy tickets so you can go to a play together. It makes those things more special to us because we know that our spouse sacrificed some of their own personal money to do something special for us.

-Date night once every week! It can be anything! It's great to take turns each week planning the date night.
Our date nights are often simple things, like playing board games, going on a picnic walk, renting a movie, playing tennis, strolling through the BYU library, reading our childhood journals and laughing at the funny things we said, etc. Occasionally one of us will save up some of our personal money to surprise the other to go out and do something unexpected. Some couples might choose to make a specific category in their budget for date night. It just depends on what you like as a couple! We became so predictable in our dates at one point, that my sister actually guessed where we would be (at the tennis court) and found us there! ("They'll either be playing a board game, watching a movie, or playing tennis tonight. So there's a 33.33% chance that we will see them at the tennis court.") But we like doing some of the same things again and again.

(One of our favorite ways to spend personal money and date nights!)

These are just a few things, but in my opinion are some of the best pieces of advice.

Marriage is AWESOME! 

Building Families Upon Faith in Christ

Faith: "Confidence in something or someone. As most often used in the scriptures, faith is confidence and trust in Jesus Christ that lead a person to obey Him. Faith must be centered in Jesus Christ in order for it to lead a person to salvation." -Guide to the Scriptures

Today it has been 6 months that I have been married to my best friend!

We both agree that it has been the most peaceful and happy 6 months of our lives so far! Recently I've felt a strong desire to express gratitude for the many miracles we have already seen in our life together, and reflecting on this has brought me back to a simple gospel principle: faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. It has been confirmed over and over again to me that a life of peace and joy comes from building our personal life and family life upon faith in Jesus Christ. 

Faith precedes the miracle.

 I am a big believer in miracles. Miracles of all shapes and sizes. But I know that faith does not come from witnessing miracles. But miracles do follow when we exercise faith in Jesus Christ. Because He is the worker of miracles. As we have faith in Him, we allow Him to touch our hearts and lives. And with the Master's touch, our hearts and lives change in ways that are miraculous.

Jesus Christ has worked miracles in my life, and I feel that I can express my gratitude to Him by inviting others to follow Him. To do this, I'd like to share some of my own experiences in which my faith in Christ has lead to witnessing Him work miracles in my life.

When I graduated high school, choosing which college to attend was a challenge. I had three incredible options: BYU (in Utah), BYU (in Idaho), and BYU (in Hawaii)! I knew each option was very good, but I also knew I would have very different experiences depending on which one I went to. I also felt strongly that there were people I needed to meet and that which school I went to would determine the people I met. It was an act of faith for me to decide to go to BYU-Hawaii. I had no idea what it would be like! I had never even been to Hawaii (or that far from home) until Mom and I landed there to drop me off for my first semester. I feel like this was an important first step for me in learning more about faith. 

We learn in the scriptures that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (the Bible, Hebrews 11:1). For me this evidence of things not seen is often a feeling. As I prayed about attending BYU-Hawaii, there was no visible evidence that it was the right thing for me. (Although most people would think that Hawaii is obviously a great choice for anyone:)) I had no way of seeing what would happen when I got there, or what the results of the decision would be. But as I prayed about the decision, I felt a sense of peace. This feeling of peace gave me courage to go forward with my decision. And I remember having the feeling that I would meet someone important at BYU-H.

My husband and I first met at Brigham Young University-Hawaii, during my first semester there! Of all the places, we met in a Chinese 101 class, taught by his dad! Seth and I were both pretty shy, but we got to know each other a little in class, became friends, and I remember feeling really comfortable and peaceful around him. We didn't spend a lot of time together, but just saw each other in class, at church, and occasionally ran into each other around the neighborhood. 

Over my next several semesters at BYU-Hawaii, I met lots of great people, and dated a variety of people too. Seth received his mission call to serve as a full-time missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Korea! 

Meanwhile, I dated someone pretty seriously and actually got engaged. In my mind, it was the perfect path for me. But I kept having this feeling of anxiousness and uncertainty that I couldn't explain. I prayed and prayed, and instead of feeling more peace, I felt less and less peace. As I began to feel less peace, I realized that not everything in my relationship was as ideal as I was telling myself it was, even though he was a great person. But I didn't want to accept that. When I prayed, hoping for a confirmation that what I was doing (planning to get married) was the right thing for me, I instead felt a feeling that said to me, "You can go ahead with it, but this isn't the best path for you." 

This was a turning point in my life. I could go forward with what made sense to me (and what I thought I really, really wanted), or I could follow this feeling I had that I should pursue a different path. It felt to me like following that unknown path would be like taking a plunge into the dark- because I had no idea where it would take me or where I would end up. But I wanted to feel peace again. And no matter how much I thought my current path made sense in my mind and was exactly what I wanted, it did not feel peaceful in my heart. When I finally decided that I would do whatever it took to regain the feeling of peace that I wanted so desperately, even if it meant breaking off my engagement, the feeling of peace returned to me. I felt that the Lord was pleased with the step of faith I was taking. I felt that that step was a step of faith in Him, and was a demonstration to Him that I loved Him more than I loved what I wanted for myself. I didn't know what was ahead of me, but at least I knew Who was leading the way before me, and that filled me with peace. 

Breaking off the engagement was extremely hard. Even though my heart felt peaceful again, there were many days filled with tears, and many nights filled with heartache. 

During that time of heartache after breaking off the engagement, I had thoughts like, "Why did this all have to happen? Why do I always date the wrong guys? Are there any guys out there who truly exemplify those qualities I hope for in a companion? Where are those guys?" As I prayed about this and expressed my discouragement and confusion to my Heavenly Father, a little thought came to mind that said, "What about Seth? He's that kind of guy!" It suddenly hit me that indeed, Seth was that kind of guy! I had always hoped to someday marry a young man who loved the Lord with all His heart, who was gentle and kind, and faithful in living the gospel. It struck me that Seth was that kind of person, and that thought brought me a tremendous amount of comfort. There were young men out there who had those qualities. Even though at that time I had no idea I would end up marrying Seth, I felt a strong desire to write him a letter, just to thank him for his example to me. In a time that I was discouraged, thinking of Seth's example and love for Jesus Christ really encouraged me. 

So I decided to write him a letter! This was another small act of faith that has brought forth great miracles in my life. I am eternally grateful that I trusted in that little answer to prayer ("What about Seth? He's that kind of guy!"), and acted on that feeling to write him a thank you letter.

It was a blessing that his dad was my very favorite teacher at BYU-Hawaii, which made it very possible to get Seth's mission address! I e-mailed his dad, telling him I'd like to write a letter to Seth and asking for the address. Then I wrote a letter to Seth, simply telling him I had gone through a hard time, but that when I remembered Seth's good example I had been comforted, and thanking him for being that example to me. Seth wrote back! 

Before I had gotten engaged, I had been seriously considering serving a full-time mission for the Church. After breaking off the engagement, it became clear to me that serving a mission fit in the Lord's plan for me. As I prayed and considered going on my mission, I felt tremendous peace. I had practically already finished my mission application before getting engaged, so it was an easy process to finish it up and send it off. I received my mission call to the Belem, Brazil Mission. (And later I would be delighted to also serve in the San Antonio, Texas Mission while waiting for my visa to be approved). 

Seth and I continued writing back and forth. Those letters continued throughout my entire mission. Through our letters, we shared our testimonies of the gospel and the experiences we were having on our missions. There were many times on the mission where at the end of a particularly hard and emotionally draining day, a letter from Seth would arrive in the mail. Reading his testimony of Jesus Christ, reading about his experiences, and reading his funny jokes always lifted my spirit. We became the best of friends.

After we both returned from our missions, we both found ourselves at BYU (in Utah) and began dating. By the end of last year, we were married for time and all eternity in the Manti, Utah temple. Every single day, I am grateful for the guidance and direction the Lord gave me in helping me to marry the right person, in the right place, at the right time. I cannot imagine a happier path for me than the one the Lord has guided me to be on. And I cannot imagine being married to a more wonderful man. We truly complement each other, and I know that the Lord knew how happy we would be together, so He helped us to end up together. My marriage to Seth has been one of the greatest miracles in my life, and it's incredible to think that the Lord has brought to pass such a wonderful miracle because I simply tried to have faith in Him in small and big ways (like going to BYU-Hawaii, breaking off an engagement, writing Seth a letter to say thanks, serving a mission, etc). 

One thing that I always really, really liked about Seth (even from when I first met him at BYU-Hawaii) is his love for family. Aside from Jesus Christ, he loves family more than anything! 

Seth and I both grew up in incredible families. We were blessed with loving and kind parents (who taught us how to follow Jesus Christ), and with awesome siblings. 

Growing up, we both always knew we wanted to have a family and that that was very important to us. During our dating, we learned that we both had strong desires to begin a family shortly after marriage. It was a desire we had both already had for a long time. 

We weren't really sure how everything would work out. Getting married can deplete a person's savings! And we knew we wanted to be responsible in our decision making. We wanted to be able to support our family and be financially independent. We decided we would do our very best, and trust that the Lord would continue to guide us. 

It wasn't long after getting married that we felt it was the right time to invite a child into our family. At that time, we had a lot of questions. Questions about finances, our preparedness, and how things would come together. But as we prayed, we continued to feel a great sense of peace about starting our family. In the Bible and Book of Mormon, we learn that if we keep His commandments, the Lord will provide for us and bless us. We both believed this was true, and felt the Lord would guide us and take care of us if we did what He asked us to do.

As soon as we made the decision to take a step of faith and welcome a child into our family, the miracles quickly followed!  

Our first shopping trip together, we ran into a friend of Seth's who he grew up with as a kid, but hadn't seen in many many years. We talked with him, told him we had just gotten married, and it was fun to visit with him. We saw him several times throughout the grocery store. By the time we were checking out, he had just finished checking out too. To our surprise, he wheeled his full cart of paid-for groceries over to us, left it next to me, and while walking out of the store with only one or two bags in his hand, said, "This is for you guys! Congratulations on getting married!" 

We were so touched, we both felt like we might cry. We both had the same deep impression that this was a sign from the Lord- He was telling us that He would provide for our family, just like He had promised.

Several weeks later, we found out that we were expecting a baby! 

That experience at the grocery store was only the first of a chain of miracles that has continued every day of our marriage. Miracles have come in the forms of great job opportunities, scholarships, help with doing well in school, gifts people have given to us, joy and peace in our marriage, and so many other ways! We started out full of faith but without knowing the details of how things would work out, and every day it becomes clearer and clearer to us that the Lord is happy with our decision and is working out the details for us. We have been so blessed and are eternally grateful for Jesus Christ. 

I know without a doubt that it is upon faith in Jesus Christ that we can build happy families. That means that sometimes we will have to do things that don't completely make sense to us, but that we feel are right. It means that we have to continue our whole lives to do our best to follow Jesus Christ, and to follow the guidance He gives us. It also means having a life that is filled with joy and peace. And filled with miracles. Because miracles follow faith in Christ. And Jesus Christ LOVES us and our families.

We are so excited to meet our baby boy around October 3rd!

I invite both you and me to trust a little more in Jesus Christ, and to follow Him in faith.

A True Companion: Thoughts on Companionship and Marriage

I love reading about Alma and Amulek in the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon and Bible truly contain some of the most incredible and powerful examples of companionship.

Alma and Amulek became united in the work of teaching the gospel to a people who initially hated them. Alma had already been thrown out of the city once, but was commanded by the Lord to go back and teach the people there again. When he went back to the city, he was received by Amulek, a man who lived in the city and had been prepared by an angel to receive Alma. Amulek cared for Alma, gave him food and shelter, and then joined him on his journey to teach the people.

They experience amazing things together! They passed through trials (probably the most intense trials they had ever faced) together, and also experienced inexplicable joy together! Their experiences remind me of my days on the mission and of my life now with my wonderful eternal companion!

There is so much that we could write about Alma and Amulek and their companionship -the countless times they defended and supported each other while being verbally attacked by all those around them, the times they felt incredible surges of the spirit together, and the times they encouraged each other to keep enduring as they suffered in prison- but I want to focus on just one moment that they shared together, found in Alma chapter 15, verse 18:

"Now as I said, Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek and came over to the land of Zarahemla, and took him to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord."

Two things stand out to me in this verse. Firstly, the words "all these things"...

This verse comes after chapters of suffering. Alma and Amulek had finally seen success in teaching some of the people. This group of people who listened and accepted their teachings came to know their Savior and became truly converted to His church. But there were still those who hated these missionaries and the new converts to Christ's church. They forced Alma and Amulek to watch as they took all of the new converts (women and children) and burned them in fire. They also burned all of the holy records and scriptures that the people held sacred. Witnessing this had such a deep impact on Amulek that he said to Alma (I imagine him saying it almost hopefully): "...perhaps they will burn us also." Alma and Amulek were then beaten and thrown in prison.

Also, just a few versus before this one, we learn about some of the sacrifices Amulek made when he left his home to join Alma to be a missionary. This verse gives a tiny glimpse of what he gave up:

"And it came to pass that Alma and Amulek, Amulek having forsaken his gold, and silver, and his precious things, which were in the land of Ammonihah, for the word of God, he being rejected by those who were once his friends and also by his father and his kindred;.." (Alma 15:16)

Amulek didn't just give up his property and riches, but he was rejected by his own family and loved ones when he accepted Christ.

And this is where true companionship comes in... Alma was with him through all of these things. "Alma having seen all these things..." Alma knew how Amulek was suffering, because Alma was there for Amulek. He was with him.

Elder Holland, a living apostle of the Lord today, said in a recent broadcast (LDS young adult face to face broadcast), "Love is what we go through together."

Love isn't just what we feel in a moment as we look at someone we are attracted to, and it's not just what we feel when someone gives us a nice present or box of chocolates, and it's not the feeling we have for our favorite food ("I love ice cream!")...

Love is being a true companion. It is being willing to go through anything to be there for the one you love, to stay true and loyal to them, and to lift their burdens. Alma was a true companion to Amulek because of what he went through together with Amulek.

The second principle that strikes me from Alma 15, verse 18, is that Alma took Amulek to his own house and "did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord." Alma had gone through his own fair share of suffering. He must have felt physically and emotionally drained and broken after what he had just gone through. His natural man probably would have liked to go home, stop worrying about the rest of the world, and sleep for the next week. But this is the opposite of what he did. His focus was on his companion, Amulek, who he had developed a deep brotherly love for. He focused all of the time, energy, and attention necessary on helping his brother by administering unto him and strengthening him in the Lord. I imagine this included physical, emotional, and spiritual care. I imagine the tears they shed together and the healing that happened as Alma cared for his brother.

These two principles are powerful in any companionship and define love in the way that I believe God truly intended love to be expressed and understood:

1.) Truly being there for each other. Always. Being fiercely loyal. Being willing to pass through anything with your companion. Never fleeing when things get hard. It's sad, but the divorce rates today suggest that it is more popular for people to have this attitude of "when things get tough for me, I'm out of here" than to have the kind of love and devotion that Alma had for his friend and companion, Amulek.

2.) Putting your companion before yourself. When Amulek was suffering, Alma was suffering too. This isn't only because Alma was also in prison and being beaten. It is always this way in a family. Family science research shows that families are interconnected in such a way that when one member suffers, each individual in the family is also affected. When another person in your family is suffering, and so you are likewise being affected, it is easy to focus on your own suffering. It is easy when we are suffering to turn inward and look for ways to help ourselves, but a true companion turns first to their companion and looks for ways to support them. A true companion worries about lightening the burdens of their companion before settling on feeling sorry for himself/herself.

While many of us look at these principles (Be there for your companion and Put your companion first), we will think, "I sure wish my husband/wife treated me that way." This is our natural man/woman speaking to us. Those are the exact thoughts we need to change within ourselves. I know that as we learn to forget ourselves (meaning to stop feeling sorry for ourselves, to stop thinking of our needs as our highest priority, to stop dwelling on how unfair our life is), and as we begin to start putting our companion as our focus and priority (like Alma did), that we will begin to find true joy. Instead of asking ourselves, "Why doesn't my husband/wife do that for me?", we can learn to ask ourselves, "What can I do today to lift my husband/wife's burdens? What can I do today that would make my husband/wife feel incredibly loved and happy? What can I do today that will make his/her day brighter?"

While these principles are important in all of our relationships, I know they are especially essential in marriage. Our marriage partner is our most important companion, after God and Jesus Christ alone.

The secret to happiness in life really isn't a secret at all! In fact, God gave us the recipe in the first two commandments: Love God, then love your neighbor/brother/sister/husband/wife/mother/father/teacher/stranger!

I am so grateful to God for the incredible examples of companionship that He has placed in my life: my parents, my sister, my treasured relatives and friends, my mission companions, and most of all my husband, who will be my companion for eternity!

(photo w/ quote made by Seth!)

(gemsofwisdomquotes.blogspot.com)