WELCOME, ELI! We love you SO much!
Our little Eli was born September 29th, at 8:17pm. He weighed 7 pounds and 12 ounces, and was 20.5 inches long. Along with the day I was married in the temple to my best friend in the whole wide world, Eli's birthday was the best day and most incredible experience of my life. I look back on the experience with so many emotions and feelings of gratitude.
Eli was born in a birth center, with the help of some incredible midwives and an incredible doula, and especially my incredible husband. I'm so grateful for all of them. I've loved my experience with Birthing Your Way (check out http://birthingyourway.com/ ) and am so grateful we decided to hire our wonderful doula (check out http://tummylovecbe.com/ ). I also really loved being able to have a water birth.
Here is Seth holding Eli in front of the tub where he was born:
I was only in the tub for maybe 15-20 minutes before he was born. My favorite part of the whole experience was being able to reach down and help guide him into the world! The midwife told me to put my hand on him and help guide him out. It was so incredible, and before I knew it, he was here and I was holding him on my chest. I got to hold him like that for a while, and when his umbilical cord stopped pulsing, the cord was cut and it was his daddy's turn to hold him! I really loved how nothing about the experience was rushed. We got to sit together with our new baby for hours as the midwives took care of paperwork, foot printing, giving us some instructions for when we got home, etc.
My mom and sister were able to come to the birth center sometime around 11:30pm or midnight. They helped us pack up our stuff and head home! My sister was in the back of our car sitting next to Eli in his car seat. I asked her to take a picture of him for me, and then I turned on the light in the car. As soon as I turned the light on, we got this super sad face!! So sorry, little Eli!
We took a family photo once we got home. I AM SO BLESSED! I love these two guys more than I can ever say!
Eli and his cousin who is 5 weeks older than him got to meet for the first time! I love how they are looking at each other with funny faces and squinty eyes.
I have learned so much through the experience of birth and of being a mother already! I know there is so much more for me to learn, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity. I feel eternally blessed to be Eli's mother. I've had many many thoughts through these experiences so far, but a few that have particularly stood out to me are these:
- Birth is miraculous! But I think our society makes it out to be scary and terrifying. This is something I thought about a lot in preparation for a natural childbirth. I tried very hard to shift my perspective, so that I looked forward to birth, instead of fearing it. I tried to deeply internalize that it was going to be an amazing experience, not an awful one (like the stories we so often hear make it out to be). Now after experiencing it, I can really testify that having a positive perspective and being relaxed make a difference! I really believe that birth is a natural process. Our bodies were made to do this and our bodies know what they are doing. I think however a mother chooses to give birth is wonderful, and I think she's amazing for doing it. And I really think that whatever way a mother chooses to give birth, it will really help her to go into it knowing that birth is a natural process and that her body is amazing and knows what it's doing. Over and over again during Eli's birth, I realized that I had two mental paths ahead of me. I could choose to let myself be afraid and then have the fear take over, or I could choose to relax and trust in God and myself a little more. As I asked God for help to have a little more faith, He did increase my faith, and He helped me to feel relaxed and at peace, even when the experience was intense and new to me. God made our bodies to do incredible things! After Eli's birth, I feel even more grateful for my body than ever before. I have more trust in my body and also know that the Lord will give me strength beyond my own when He asks me to do hard things. And looking at Eli and seeing his perfect little eyes, nose, mouth, and body fills me with wonder at God's power to create! What a miracle that He lets us play a part in His creating.
- I'm starting to understand what "a mother's heart" is. I have often heard leaders of the church talk about having a mother's heart, and how you do not need to have your own children in order to have a mother's heart. I thought I understood this, until the day after Eli was born. Even though I physically became a mother on September 29th, I think I spiritually became a mother on the night of September 30th (or maybe it was October 1st... it was sometime in the wee hours of the night/morning). After Eli was born, of course I loved him and was excited and exhausted and on an adrenaline high all at the same time, but really everything was so new and I couldn't possibly soak it all in right then. It was the night of September 30th when I had woken up to take care of Eli, that I think I received a mother's heart. I was still feeling weak from the birth, and still felt like I didn't exactly know what I was doing (I definitely still don't know exactly what I'm doing), and as I looked down at little Eli, who needed comforting and nurturing, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. The greatest being love. I felt so filled with love, and with a desire to nurture and protect this little boy forever. At the same time I felt totally overwhelmed. How could I nurture and protect him forever if I hardly even had the strength to lift him up to my chest to hold him? But at that moment I was reminded that the love I feel for Eli is only a tiny portion of the love God feels for him. And if God has trusted me to take care of Eli, then God will help me to do it. Something changed in me that night. That experience taught me that "a mother's heart" is a gift from God. He gives mothers a special kind of love that is hard to describe. Now I feel like I can testify that whether or not you have the opportunity to physically bear children, you can be a mother! Because true motherhood isn't so much physical as it is spiritual. And some of the people I know who have the most motherly hearts are those who desire so badly to have a child of their own, but have not yet had the opportunity to physically have a child. To any who have or are struggling with this, I know that in God's eyes, you are a mother. He has, or will, give you a mother's heart if it's your sincere desire. And that is a beautiful gift that will bless the lives of all those you come in contact with.
Just like when I look at Eli and feel an overwhelming desire to protect and care for him, our Heavenly Father feels this (but much more) for us. It's this love that caused Him to send His Son, Jesus Christ, to Earth for us. Jesus Christ is the key in God's plan to protect, nurture, and care for us. It is through Christ that we are protected from death, sin, and all of the scary things in this world.
I feel so blessed. God works miracles, and His love is far greater than we can imagine or comprehend.
