Some people may have thought it was a bit over the top, but before getting married (and in our early marriage), I was enrolled in a marriage prep. class at BYU, my fiance was attending a marriage prep. institute class (a religious class held outside of the regular university hours), we were attending a marital workshop together, I was enrolled in a Family Finance class, we took an Eternal Family class together, I took a Strengthening Marriage and Family class, we read books, and basically took advantage of every opportunity we could to prepare. And I'm grateful for every single one of those little things we did! I don't regret any of it, and none of it was a waste of time. It was all worth it!
We just had our first anniversary about a month ago, so we are still newbies at marriage, and there are millions (billions) of people who have more experience than us! But I've been thinking about this post for a while now, and I thought that maybe it is worth writing. Maybe it can help someone who is beginning, or preparing for, their own marriage. Or maybe it could help someone who has been married for years! Who knows! Our marriage is far from perfect, and we're learning every day, but I can wholeheartedly and honestly say that our marriage is joyful!
Here is some of the BEST advice we received/learned in our marriage preparation:
-Pray together every morning and night. (And holding hands while praying is great:) )
This may sound basic (and maybe you've heard it a thousand times), but hearing your spouse pray for you and your family, your goals, your dreams, your struggles, is such a unifying experience. It really glues you together and helps you become one with each other.
-Read "And They Were Not Ashamed" by Laura M. Brotherson.
There are other great books like this one too, but this one is highly recommended by many, and was the best recommendation given from my own marriage prep. instructors. It teaches about what I believe is true intimacy- a combination of spiritual, emotional, and physical oneness. If you are in the dating/engagement phase, it would be best to read this book individually. If you are married, it's great to read it together!
-Be totally transparent with your finances. Create a budget and stick to it.
www.mint.com is excellent for creating a budget together. It makes it super easy to be transparent with your finances. ("Transparent" meaning that you hide nothing from each other.) You can both log in to your account any time and see what's in your bank accounts and what transactions have been made. Then you can categorize the transactions right into your different budget categories.
-Create a "Personal Money" category for each of you in your budget. My family finance teacher called it "Mad Money" (I'm not really sure why...Hahahaha). The idea is that each of you gets a little allowance each week or month (however you set it up). It could be however much you both agree on. As small as 4$ a week, or less or more. You are each allowed to do whatever you want to with your personal money. As my teacher stated it, "As long as it's moral and legal." You can save up your money to buy something you want, or you can spend it often on little things like vending machine snacks (hahaha, that was one of my favorite ways to spend it while I was a full-time student on campus. ...I could never seem to pack enough food to last me the whole day). Each person having their own personal money can prevent a lot of conflict. Many know that finances can be a source of strain in a marriage. When you each have some personal money, it gives you some independence and the freedom to choose how to spend your own money. It also can prevent arguments ("You spent our money on what????"). This way you can buy something that is valuable to you, even if it isn't something your spouse would want to spend money on. Rather than getting upset at each other, you can be at peace knowing that your spouse saved up their own personal money week by week to purchase that item/food/experience that they really wanted. We also find that having a specific category for this really helps us save money! For example, in our single days, there really wasn't a limit to how much money we could spend on eating on campus, books, or other things. But now with this budget, we are more deliberate in how we spend our money. It also gives you an opportunity to surprise your spouse by spending money on them! Sometimes I like to pick up my husband's favorite treat for him, or sometimes he surprises me by taking me out to eat. Or maybe one of you saves up to buy tickets so you can go to a play together. It makes those things more special to us because we know that our spouse sacrificed some of their own personal money to do something special for us.
-Date night once every week! It can be anything! It's great to take turns each week planning the date night.
Our date nights are often simple things, like playing board games, going on a picnic walk, renting a movie, playing tennis, strolling through the BYU library, reading our childhood journals and laughing at the funny things we said, etc. Occasionally one of us will save up some of our personal money to surprise the other to go out and do something unexpected. Some couples might choose to make a specific category in their budget for date night. It just depends on what you like as a couple! We became so predictable in our dates at one point, that my sister actually guessed where we would be (at the tennis court) and found us there! ("They'll either be playing a board game, watching a movie, or playing tennis tonight. So there's a 33.33% chance that we will see them at the tennis court.") But we like doing some of the same things again and again.
(One of our favorite ways to spend personal money and date nights!)
These are just a few things, but in my opinion are some of the best pieces of advice.
Marriage is AWESOME!
