One of my favorite lessons from our incredible Childbirth Educator was about the "Fear, Tension, Pain Cycle."
Our society has created this connection between the ideas of childbirth and pain. It's almost always the first question someone has when they ask me about my natural birth experience- "Was the pain overwhelming? Was the pain too much? How painful was it? How did you manage the pain?"
I mentioned this in my birth story, but I honestly would not look back and label my birth experience as "painful." Labor and birth could be painful at times (every mother's body and experience is unique!), but for me, "pain" doesn't describe the experience or feelings I had.
On the other hand, I really believe that if I had gone into childbirth with the idea in my mind that it would be super painful- and if that's the only idea I had about birth- I think I would have had the whole experience and perhaps labeled it as painful. Because if it was what I expected, it's probably what I would have interpreted the experience as.
My preparation for childbirth helped me so much! Preparation is so worth it! One of the best things for me was reading positive birth stories! (Especially the positive stories in Ina May Gaskin's Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The whole first half of the book is of mothers sharing their positive, real birth stories.) Because I had read about so many other people's experiences, I was able to create in my mind an idea of what a contraction felt like. It felt like a big wave that came over me and took over my body. I no longer had to imagine a contraction as simply "pain." I now had a way to conceptualize it that was much more positive and made more sense to me. I learned to think of contractions as feelings of tightening and opening and pressure, rather than just "pain."
So to me, contractions felt like waves of pressure that would overwhelm my body, and I could really feel my body tightening and opening. These feelings were much easier for me to manage than if I had been trying to manage "pain."
For me there were times that the birth process was uncomfortable, new, and challenging, but I don't think of it as a painful experience. It was empowering and incredible! Just because something is challenging and is hard work, doesn't mean it is bad or has to be scary!
I had also learned that birth is a natural process, and that during birth there would not be anything "wrong" with my body. Pain is meant to signal to our brain that something is wrong with our body! During a normal, healthy birth, there is nothing wrong with the mother's body. Everything it is doing is normal and healthy. But if we interpret the sensations we are feeling as pain, our mind is receiving the message, "Something is wrong! Help! This is bad!"
So this brings us to the Fear, Tension, Pain Cycle:
-When your body feels fear, it naturally goes into "fight or flight" mode.
-Thinking that you need to either fight or flee makes your body tense up.
-When your body is birthing, there is no need to fight or flight. Your body needs to relax in order to open up. Your uterus is trying to help your cervix open, and the birth path (vagina) needs to be opened and relaxed. If you are tensing up, your body is fighting itself. Suddenly your body is telling your cervix to relax and open, but your mind is telling it: "No! Danger! Close back up so I can run away if I need to!"
-This tension, your body and mind fighting each other- and your body ultimately fighting against itself, causes increased pain.
-Feeling pain causes your mind to have more fear, so the cycle just continues, and the fear, tension, and pain keep increasing.
Another thought:
I think this is a super interesting point: Both Ina May Gaskin and Marie F. Mongan (as well as other natural birth experts) agree that a human body is a lot like an animal's body. In nature, if an animal is about to give birth, but suddenly feels threatened (maybe by a predator), their body can reverse labor, so that labor stops, and they can make a run for it. A human mother's body is the same way! If a mother feels fear while in labor (maybe fear caused by what society has told her about birth and pain), her labor may become much more difficult because her body is fighting against itself.
In conclusion, fear will not help a mother to have a good birthing experience. Fear is likely to make the mother more tense during labor and birth, which will result in her experience becoming more painful and stressful.
How to Prevent and/or Break the Cycle: The cycle starts with fear, so I think it is vital that a mother learns how to eliminate fear before birth, and to overcome moments of fear during birth. From my personal experience, I was able to eliminate fear before birth to the point that I was no longer afraid, but was excited for the experience. During labor, at some of the very intense moments, I really had to battle off feelings of fear that tried to creep in. Each mother's strategy will be different, but find what works for you, both to eliminate fear and overcome it if it tries to creep back in!
Some things that can help eliminate fear:
-Learn about birth. Become familiar with the different stages of labor and birth. Know how women typically feel during each stage, so that when you experience it yourself, you will know it is normal. Knowing that your experience is normal, even when it is intense, can help you to recognize that you have no need to panic, and nothing is wrong. At first learning about birth might be uncomfortable to you, and the process might still seem scary, but keep learning and seeking out good sources that encourage you. Don't stop learning until your perspective on birth changes from scary to incredible!
-Read positive birth stories!! Fill your mind with positive birth experiences and thoughts so that it becomes something beautiful and exciting in your mind, rather than something scary and unknown.
-Have someone with you during labor and birth to support you, reassure you, and cheer you on! It should be someone who is familiar with birth enough to stay calm and encouraging throughout the process, not someone who will be nervous and fearful.
-Have tools/strategies available to you during labor and birth. Know what helps you relax and feel comfortable! For me it was a special music playlist, warm water, my husband, and an awesome doula.
I would recommend to all women that they do what it takes to become comfortable and confident with the idea of giving birth. Eliminating fear about birth from our minds will only enable us to have better, more empowering birth experiences.
