Celebrating! 1st Anniversary and Christmas

What a great holiday season and break!

Here's a summary of some of our holiday fun in photos:

WE CELEBRATED OUR 1ST ANNIVERSARY!! What a wonderful year :)

We ate:

 We felt:

 New tradition: 

Our new tradition is to pick out a new snowman on our anniversary each year. The one on the left is from last year (just married!) and the one on the right is from this year (1st anniversary and 1st Christmas as new parents).

WE CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS! 

Homemade Christmas Tree:

Family Christmas Card (made by my mom) :

Baby Santa:

Tons of Snow:

 Eli's First Christmas:

My wonderful husband goes on walks with me, even when it's freezing cold:

Hope y'all had a wonderful Christmas season!!

Some goals for 2017!

I've been thinking a lot about a few goals and plans that I'm especially excited about for this coming year!

-Learning how to listen.

I want to learn how to listen to God! I want to learn to just clear my mind and hear what He has for me. Whether that be thoughts or feelings or a sense of peace. Too often I cloud my mind with endless to-do lists or lists of my own wants, or just noise of all kinds. I also want to be better at sincerely listening to those I communicate with.

-Cooking regularly! 

We were talking with some other married friends recently and the wives were joking about how their husbands gained some weight when they first got married. I was kind of confused by that....and then it struck me! That happens when a wife actually cooks for her husband! hahahaha! That's when I realized that I really haven't cooked much recently (...like in the past year)! But I've already started doing it more often, and I'm looking forward to learning new recipes!

-Becoming a certified Childbirth Educator!

I'm really excited about this! I've loved my studies at BYU in the School of Family Life department, but until recently, I wasn't quite sure which direction I wanted to take with this. I'm interested in Marriage Family Therapy, but becoming an MFT would require graduate school, and I've wanted to have a plan of what I could do in my field without the requirement of graduate school. Recently the pieces just came together in my mind, and I realized that childbirth education is something I'm really passionate about. I get all excited when people ask me about my experience with Eli's birth, and our Childbirth Educator made a big difference in our experience. I'd like to do the same for other couples! I believe that being educated and making informed decision can really make a difference. And I really believe that birth can be a beautiful and positive experience, rather than a scary or traumatic one. 

-Reading great books! 

I've been on a bit of a book buying spree lately  (if buying over 20 books in the last couple of weeks counts as a spree...haha). I'm looking forward to educating myself about lots of different topics through reading! I've got some biographies, some parenting books, some historical fiction, some books just for fun, and a book about how to make baby food! 

I love how invigorating it is to set new and realistic goals. I believe that God wants us to progress! To learn, grow, improve, and experience joy all along the way! I'm looking forward to another year of learning:) 

Hooray for another year!

Facing Fears

I feel like it's time to face my fears. To accept that I actually have them, and to finally realize that that's ok! My fears and insecurities are what make me reliant on the Lord and motivate me to draw nearer to Him. To RELY on Him.

Se here are some of my fears....

I'm afraid to try to invest myself in my scripture study and gospel learning more deeply. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to study as deeply and meaningfully and feel as satisfied as I did when I was younger and had more free time. Like in my high school years. I fear that I've become less spiritually sensitive because I don't have hours of study and pondering time anymore. I worry that my time spent coming closer to Christ by studying His teachings has been replaced with sleepily staring at the pages of open scriptures, while thinking about things I should be getting done.

I'm afraid to invest myself in my education. I'm afraid that I'll never finish, that it will be too hard and take too long. And that I will be a mediocre mom while I'm focusing on textbooks and essays to write. I fear that people will judge me if I don't finish, and that others will judge me if I do.

I'm afraid of losing myself in service to my family for fear that I'll never actually find myself like Jesus promised we would in the scriptures. I worry that I'll become an empty shell who can clean and cook, but who doesn't remember how to be silly and have fun, or who doesn't remember the talents and gifts people used to compliment her for.


But, I know these fears are lies. Maybe they would become realities IF there were no Christ. But Jesus Christ lives! He is real!

Faith in Him replaces fears like these with hope, joy, and miracles that we never could have expected or hoped for if there were no Jesus Christ! Faith in Christ can replace my fear of not having enough time for meaningful scripture study with the joy and surprise of reading a quick and simple verse of scripture in a spare moment that unexpectedly touches my heart deeply and fills my soul with peace and  the resolution to be a more loving mother. Faith in Jesus Christ can turn my fear of never graduating into the diligence and focus that will not only help me graduate, but fill my whole life with an excitement for learning. Faith in Jesus Christ can turn the fear of permanently losing myself, into the sweet reassurance that God wants me to be a mother not so that I can become someone else, but so that I can become the best me and use my unique talents and attributes to bless the lives of my children.

The beautiful thing about these little fears and insecurities I have, is that they drive me to come closer to the Savior. They inspire me to let Him replace my fears with hope and faith in Him! They motivate me to keep strengthening my faith in Christ until it is rock solid and no more fears can sneak through the cracks.

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." -Helaman 5: 12 (The Book of Mormon)

Let's change from fear...

To faith!

Welcome, little Eli!

WELCOME, ELI! We love you SO much!

Our little Eli was born September 29th, at 8:17pm. He weighed 7 pounds and 12 ounces, and was 20.5 inches long. Along with the day I was married in the temple to my best friend in the whole wide world, Eli's birthday was the best day and most incredible experience of my life. I look back on the experience with so many emotions and feelings of gratitude. 

Eli was born in a birth center, with the help of some incredible midwives and an incredible doula, and especially my incredible husband. I'm so grateful for all of them. I've loved my experience with Birthing Your Way (check out http://birthingyourway.com/ ) and am so grateful we decided to hire our wonderful doula (check out http://tummylovecbe.com/ ). I also really loved being able to have a water birth. 

Here is Seth holding Eli in front of the tub where he was born:

I was only in the tub for maybe 15-20 minutes before he was born. My favorite part of the whole experience was being able to reach down and help guide him into the world! The midwife told me to put my hand on him and help guide him out. It was so incredible, and before I knew it, he was here and I was holding him on my chest. I got to hold him like that for a while, and when his umbilical cord stopped pulsing, the cord was cut and it was his daddy's turn to hold him! I really loved how nothing about the experience was rushed. We got to sit together with our new baby for hours as the midwives took care of paperwork, foot printing, giving us some instructions for when we got home, etc.

My mom and sister were able to come to the birth center sometime around 11:30pm or midnight. They helped us pack up our stuff and head home! My sister was in the back of our car sitting next to Eli in his car seat. I asked her to take a picture of him for me, and then I turned on the light in the car. As soon as I turned the light on, we got this super sad face!! So sorry, little Eli!

We took a family photo once we got home. I AM SO BLESSED! I love these two guys more than I can ever say!

Eli and his cousin who is 5 weeks older than him got to meet for the first time! I love how they are looking at each other with funny faces and squinty eyes.

 Eli and I went out for a little walk for the first time yesterday. He kept looking up at the sky and the sunlight all around him. And then he dozed off into a peaceful sleep.

I have learned so much through the experience of birth and of being a mother already! I know there is so much more for me to learn, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity. I feel eternally blessed to be Eli's mother. I've had many many thoughts through these experiences so far, but a few that have particularly stood out to me are these:

• Birth is miraculous! But I think our society makes it out to be scary and terrifying. This is something I thought about a lot in preparation for a natural childbirth. I tried very hard to shift my perspective, so that I looked forward to birth, instead of fearing it. I tried to deeply internalize that it was going to be an amazing experience, not an awful one (like the stories we so often hear make it out to be). Now after experiencing it, I can really testify that having a positive perspective and being relaxed make a difference! I really believe that birth is a natural process. Our bodies were made to do this and our bodies know what they are doing. I think however a mother chooses to give birth is wonderful, and I think she's amazing for doing it. And I really think that whatever way a mother chooses to give birth, it will really help her to go into it knowing that birth is a natural process and that her body is amazing and knows what it's doing. Over and over again during Eli's birth, I realized that I had two mental paths ahead of me. I could choose to let myself be afraid and then have the fear take over, or I could choose to relax and trust in God and myself a little more. As I asked God for help to have a little more faith, He did increase my faith, and He helped me to feel relaxed and at peace, even when the experience was intense and new to me. God made our bodies to do incredible things! After Eli's birth, I feel even more grateful for my body than ever before. I have more trust in my body and also know that the Lord will give me strength beyond my own when He asks me to do hard things. And looking at Eli and seeing his perfect little eyes, nose, mouth, and body fills me with wonder at God's power to create! What a miracle that He lets us play a part in His creating.

• I'm starting to understand what "a mother's heart" is. I have often heard leaders of the church talk about having a mother's heart, and how you do not need to have your own children in order to have a mother's heart. I thought I understood this, until the day after Eli was born. Even though I physically became a mother on September 29th, I think I spiritually became a mother on the night of September 30th (or maybe it was October 1st... it was sometime in the wee hours of the night/morning). After Eli was born, of course I loved him and was excited and exhausted and on an adrenaline high all at the same time, but really everything was so new and I couldn't possibly soak it all in right then. It was the night of September 30th when I had woken up to take care of Eli, that I think I received a mother's heart. I was still feeling weak from the birth, and still felt like I didn't exactly know what I was doing (I definitely still don't know exactly what I'm doing), and as I looked down at little Eli, who needed comforting and nurturing, I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. The greatest being love. I felt so filled with love, and with a desire to nurture and protect this little boy forever. At the same time I felt totally overwhelmed. How could I nurture and protect him forever if I hardly even had the strength to lift him up to my chest to hold him? But at that moment I was reminded that the love I feel for Eli is only a tiny portion of the love God feels for him. And if God has trusted me to take care of Eli, then God will help me to do it. Something changed in me that night. That experience taught me that "a mother's heart" is a gift from God. He gives mothers a special kind of love that is hard to describe. Now I feel like I can testify that whether or not you have the opportunity to physically bear children, you can be a mother! Because true motherhood isn't so much physical as it is spiritual. And some of the people I know who have the most motherly hearts are those who desire so badly to have a child of their own, but have not yet had the opportunity to physically have a child. To any who have or are struggling with this, I know that in God's eyes, you are a mother. He has, or will, give you a mother's heart if it's your sincere desire. And that is a beautiful gift that will bless the lives of all those you come in contact with.

 Just like when I look at Eli and feel an overwhelming desire to protect and care for him, our Heavenly Father feels this (but much more) for us. It's this love that caused Him to send His Son, Jesus Christ, to Earth for us. Jesus Christ is the key in God's plan to protect, nurture, and care for us. It is through Christ that we are protected from death, sin, and all of the scary things in this world.

I feel so blessed. God works miracles, and His love is far greater than we can imagine or comprehend.

"Happiness Is Homemade"

Several weeks ago, I read a talk by LeGrand R. Curtis. He titled his talk, "Happiness is Homemade." The talk was given in October 1990. I loved that little phrase: "happiness is homemade."

President David O. McKay said, “It is possible to make home a bit of heaven; indeed, I picture heaven to be a continuation of the ideal home.”

Whether in 1990 or today, I know that what these two great disciples of Christ have taught is true! True happiness comes from our family life and especially our family relationships, not from something that the world can offer us (fame, popularity, recognition, wealth, luxury).

"Perhaps the best gift parents can give their children is to love each other, to enjoy each other, and even to hold hands and demonstrate their love by the manner in which they talk to each other." -LeGrand R. Curtis

Here are some picture quotes my husband has made for me that I think tie into this topic very well. Some ways we can create our true happiness:







So much peace and joy come from investing ourselves in our family relationships.

Something I heard in my Family Finance class a few semesters ago that I really liked was that money and attention have something in common: that is that you can only put them in one place at a time. We can only put each dollar (or penny) in one place at a time. We can only truly give our attention or time to one thing at a time.

If this is true, then analyzing where we are putting our money, time, and attention, can help us see where our priorities lie, and what we really value!

The speaker who shared this is a financial adviser. Often he will ask the person or couple what they really value in life. Then he will help them analyze their spending. Maybe they say that what they value most is their family, but their actual spending shows that they really value convenience and use most of their money on getting things they want quickly and easily, leaving their family in a hard financial position. Maybe they spend so much money on a new car that they want, that they are working hard to pay off debt, and have little time or energy after work to invest in their family relationships.

I think that investing ourselves fully in our family relationships means that we pay attention to where we invest our time, attention, energy, money, etc. We care about the details of our investments, like whether or not we will invest a little more energy into being patient with a loved one or not, or whether or not we will invest a little more time into talking with a loved one who needs a listening ear.

Anyways, I believe that happiness is homemade!

Here are some happy times from our recent staycation!

BYU library DVDs and Jamba Juice!



Our first attempt at making homemade Chinese Dumplings (gluten-free!)







Not the most beautiful dumplings you've ever seen, but definitely made with love!



A play at the outdoor theater with some dear friends!



Provo City Center temple with wonderful family!



Nickel Arcade! We worked hard to earn enough tickets to buy those two whole sheets of stickers... :D



Taco Tuesday! (I like the focus put into eating that taco)



Feeling so happy



Temple Square!



Ready to watch the new "Meet the Mormons" videos in the Legacy Theater!



Authentic Brazilian food at a cafe!



Fun with cousins!



Attempt #2 at Chinese dumplings: They turned out looking better than the first attempt!



definitely because of the great help we had!









Happiness is homemade! Just like homemade dumplings, family happiness requires (and deserves!) all of our best investments: time, attention, energy, and love!