Six days before my "due date" -it was about 10pm- I felt a sudden contraction that was stronger than the ones I had felt before, and my water broke. It wasn't a big gush of water, more like a trickle. But I felt like I instinctually knew what it was. We called our midwife and let her know. She said that if it really was the water that had broken, we would want to have the baby within twenty four hours (to decrease chance of infection). She also thought it could have been some other liquid and not really my water breaking. She told us to keep her posted and recommended I try to rest.
A little while after my water broke, I started to feel contractions come and go. They weren't painful or intense, but they kept me awake the whole night. Normally I can sleep through pretty much anything. :) I spent the whole night sitting up in bed, with my iPod earbuds in my ears, listening to my birth playlist. (My husband had set up a playlist for me with all the songs I wanted! So nice!:D) I knew that music really helped me relax, so that had been part of our birth plan/prep. At many times during that night, I would become so relaxed and absorbed in the music that I would be on the verge of sleep, but wouldn't quite fall completely asleep because of another contraction coming. I tried timing the contractions several times, but they weren't consistent. Sometimes they were close together, other times they were ten minutes apart. The contractions required my concentration after a while. They were getting strong enough that I would have to focus on just breathing really deeply during them, and relaxing my body between them. It was kind of dream like. I was nervous, but really excited to finally meet our little boy! My husband slept- I wanted him to have energy for the next day- but was always willing to wake up and help if I needed anything.
By morning, around 8am (I think we called our midwife again at some point in there), I was so relaxed that I actually just fell asleep! I slept from 8am until 10am. When I woke up, I realized that I wasn't even having contractions anymore. We called the midwife and she asked us to meet her at the birth center at noon. She wanted to check and see if my water had really broken. If it hadn't broken, there was no need to have the baby now. If it had broken, she told me she would like the baby to be born within 24 hours of the time it had broken.
We drove to the birth center- at this point I really wasn't having any contractions, so it was easy to get things ready to go. When we got there at noon, my midwife did a little test to see if my water had broken. She just wiped a little paper/swab or something around the area, and said if it was amniotic fluid, it would change to a certain color. It didn't really show up as definite amniotic fluid, but I knew it was! They decided to test again, and I think they asked for permission to feel the baby. They found that the baby was actually really close, and that it really was the water that had broken. I felt really encouraged when they told me my cervix was already mostly effaced. I knew the contractions the weeks before had really accomplished a lot!
The midwife and her assistant told me they'd like to try some things to help my contractions get started again. (PS: I had gotten to meet all of the midwives at the birth center, and had specifically wanted this midwife. They were really willing to make that work, and I was so glad it all worked out and I got to have her as my midwife for the birth! I also loved the women who were assisting!) They listed the options, and mentioned that castor oil usually worked the best but also tended to make you nauseus. I told them that castor oil was my last pick and I'd rather try the other things first. After trying an herbal tincture and other things, we finally settled on the castor oil. They made it into an awesome smoothie with guava (? I think...) nectar and almond butter. It tasted pretty good but was still hard to get down since I knew the castor oil was in it.
The midwives asked us to go on a little walk, so we walked around the block of the birth center.
For the next few hours, from about 2pm to 4pm, I sat on the nice comfy bed next to my husband, listening to my music. The birth center was so beautiful and peaceful! We had our own room, and it had a big tub with a beautiful mural painted behind it of a river and trees. The window was right next to the bed and warm sunlight was coming through, and we could hear a train passing every once in a while. The whole thing felt really dreamy! haha
During those hours, it probably looked like nothing was happening from the outside, but I could tell my body was doing a lot of work. I was focused on relaxing and trying to rest before labor got more intense. At one point, the midwife came in and asked us if we would go out and do something- like watch a movie. She said that sometimes when labor is taking a while to start, it helps to take your mind off of it, and she didn't want us to get discouraged by just waiting around. As soon as she left the room, I told my husband that I didn't want to go anywhere! I knew that things were really starting to move along and I could tell that my body would be working really hard really soon. We decided we would try to just go outside and take a little walk again.
As we left our room and started walking down the stairs to leave the birth center, I had to stop half way down the stairs with a really strong contraction. I told my husband I didn't want to go anywhere and we headed back to our room. From there things started moving quickly!
From 4pm to 8pm are kind of a blur, and it all seemed to go by really fast!
At 4pm my contractions started becoming very strong. They were getting very close together and were quickly getting very intense. (Note: My contractions were never really consistent until this point. I had never been able to time them and find a pattern of every ten minutes or every five minutes. And at this point, they were so close together that there was no need in timing them. I was happy about how this all worked out because I had never liked the idea of timing contractions.) My husband called our doula and she said she would head right over. She had come to the birth center shortly after 12:00 when we first got there, but after we realized my labor might take a while to start, we told her to go ahead and go spend time with her family and that we would let her know when we needed her.
I kept sitting on the bed and was really having to focus on just breathing and trying to let my body relax. Our doula arrived and instantly dimmed the lights, asked what scent it was I had liked, and soon the room smelled like relaxing lavender. After a while, she and the midwife encouraged me to try changing positions. They suggested laying on my side. I was really reluctant but tried. I felt like I was losing control of my body and I was sure that if I moved, my body would start moving things along a lot faster. As soon as I got onto my side, I had to run to the bathroom and throw up.
I'm not exactly sure what order all of the next things happened in...
I know I spent several hours in the restroom and lost everything that was in my stomach. That time, however long it was -I think it was an hour or so- was the hardest part for me. When contractions would come, I would try to brace myself with my arms, while still letting my body relax. The contractions would completely overwhelm me. I spent a lot of time just praying and asking for help to relax and have faith, instead of letting fear take over. Because I felt like I was slowly losing control of keeping my mind calm, and I at times felt panicky and wondered if I could go on. I really understood why a woman would choose to have pain relief during birth! I also remember feeling encouraged when I realized that I had hit the point that I thought I couldn't go on any longer. I remembered learning that a lot of women feel that way when they are in transition, so I realized I was really close to meeting my baby boy!
I had closed myself in the restroom because I was self conscious, but my wonderful doula suggested to my husband that he knock on the door and check on me. He and the doula came in and they helped me so much! Whenever a contraction came, the doula would use counter pressure on my knees. My husband would put a cool wet wash cloth on my face and encourage me and tell me how great I was doing.
At some point in the restroom, the midwives (midwife and assistants) came in and wanted to give me an IV. I really didn't want it. They said since it was getting close to the 24 hours from when my water had broken, it would be safer to have the IV to prevent infection. I gave them my wrist. After a few tries, they weren't able to find a vein, and asked if they could feel the baby. When they felt his head, they said, "He's right there!" They decided that it wouldn't be too long before he was born, so they didn't worry about giving me the IV, which made me very relieved and grateful.
People have asked me if labor hurts. It's different for everyone, but I wouldn't describe it as painful. I would describe the labor I was in from 4-8pm as a lot of intense feelings and sensations that completely overwhelmed me. I've never surfed, but labor kind of felt like being carried by ocean waves. Early labor was like drifting over round waves that never really crash, but just keep rolling again and again, lifting you up and down. The active, intense labor was like I was being carried by huge waves, that seemed to get taller every time, and I kept feeling afraid they would suddenly come crashing down. I felt completely out of control, but I knew that my body knew what it was doing and I had to just surrender myself, try to relax, and let the waves keep coming.
Apparently I was on my knees like that for an hour or so and it really helped the baby to descend and for labor to happen faster.
Between contractions I would sometimes joke with my husband and our doula, or I would just relax. Between contractions I was vaguely aware of what people were saying and my body would instantly feel relief and relax. During contractions I wouldn't really notice what anybody else was saying or doing. I was in the zone! Labor kind of puts you in your own world. You become really focused and your attention all turns inward to what's going on in your body.
At some point I remember that I knocked over a glass of water on the floor, and I think someone else spilled something too, and the whole floor was covered in water. When the midwife came in, the doula joked about how we had spilled everything, and I said, "We mopped the floor for you!"
Also, between contractions I would ask the midwife, "Can I go in the tub now?" They didn't want me to get in too soon because it could slow down the contractions and slow down the progress. I also remember one of the midwives commenting, "Is she really in labor? It doesn't seem like it!" because I was so calm on the outside. That encouraged me and made me smile. There were lots of little moments when my husband or doula would say something that would make me smile or laugh, and those little moments made a big difference to me.
While laboring on my knees, I started feeling the strangest sensation! It was like my whole body was pushing and I had no control over it. It felt like suddenly my whole body would thrust downwards, and it was so strong that it would make my body jolt backwards. I was confused by it, but couldn't really talk. My doula noticed and told the midwife, "It looks like she is having some involuntary pushing." I tried to confirm that- I think I just nodded or something. It was really helpful to hear her say that and explain what I was feeling.
Finally, the midwives had the tub filled and told me I could get in!! I was so excited that I remember we all laughed at how eager I was! When I finally got in, I felt a huge relief! Somehow it relieved a lot of pressure and weight. It made me feel so relaxed and light. The water was super warm too.
My heroic doula helped position me on my knees with a towel under my knees, and continued putting counter pressure on my hips during every contraction. My sweet husband was right by me encouraging me, and he smiled at me whenever I opened my eyes to see him.
I got in the tub around 8pm, and our baby was born around 8:12! So I wasn't in the water for more than 20ish minutes.
I remember one of the midwives helping me reach down to feel the baby's head. She told me to help guide him out as he was crowning. I didn't really know how to do that, and since my pushing was completely involuntary, I couldn't slow it down or control it well. The next thing I knew, his little head was out! It was really exciting! At this point, I wasn't really feeling overwhelmed or scared or anything anymore. I was feeling more in control and was feeling really excited. I don't remember pushing being painful or hard. I just remember how excited I was. I think I was really high on adrenaline and hormones, so I was feeling exhausted, but good!
When his head was out, the midwife asked me to push just a little, so she could unwrap the chord from around his neck. Then she said that with the next push, she'd like me to push the whole baby out. I did! And the next thing I knew, I was being helped to turn around and sit in the tub, and our beautiful baby boy was placed on my chest!!! It was the hugest sense of relief and euphoria. Everything seemed perfect and calm and happy.
I got to sit there with him for a while. The midwife had me blow on his face to help him start breathing more. After a while, the midwives said they'd like to move me to the bed, and that we could either keep the baby attached to me and I could keep holding him, or we could cut the chord and let daddy hold him. Since the chord had already stopped pulsing (delivering oxygen to the baby), I said we could cut it and let daddy have a turn holding him. It was the happiest thing in the world to see my husband holding our new little baby.
After that my husband and I got to lay on the bed for hours while holding our sweet new baby. The midwives helped me deliver the placenta. They asked me to push, but I felt like as hard as I tried, my body was so tired that my push was super weak! But it came out just fine, and delivering the placenta wasn't painful at all. I hardly felt it. The doula and midwives helped me start nursing the baby, and he did great! That was such a peaceful, wonderful time. The midwives didn't even take baby to weigh him or anything until after we'd had an hour or so of time with him! Then they weighed him and did his footprints. While we were on the bed, I had to get some stitches. I tore quite a bit, and in odd places, not in the common place (the perineum). Usually having more controlled, slower pushing, helps prevent tearing. I think since my body pushed him out so fast, and I didn't really have control over it, I was more prone to tearing. It didn't hurt at all when it happened. I think my body was experiencing so much at the same time, and I was feeling really good from lots of natural hormones, that I didn't even feel it when it happened! Getting stitched up wasn't fun. It was hard to stay relaxed because my body had just been through so much and was exhausted. But I got to hold my baby and feed him while they were stitching, and the midwives were really gentle and kind, and I had my husband right next to me too.
It was all really wonderful. We went home that same night. Everything was so peaceful! Peace just radiated from our new little son. My husband and I were just in heaven!! The whole experience was challenging, but so rewarding and incredible. It left me feeling so empowered, fulfilled, and peaceful.
My husband and our new little baby, right in front of the tub where he was just born:
I never knew babies could show so much expression on their first day of life, until we tried turning the car lights on to take a picture of him on the way home from the birth center. As soon as the light was on, he made this face: (it just melted our hearts!)
Home together as a new family of three!
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