King Herod did not want to kill John the Baptist, but after promising a pretty girl whatever she wanted, he got himself into a lot of trouble. She told him that she wanted John's head on a plate.
Verse 9: "And the king was sorry; nevertheless for the oath's sake, and them which sat with him at meat, he commanded it to be given her."
The king obviously felt that beheading John was very, very wrong. Yet he couldn't resist the pressures of an oath he made, and wanting to please, maybe impress, the people that were with him. He wanted to be the perfect host, the cool guy, the popular king. Or maybe he just wanted to fit in. Maybe he was tired of feeling different. I'm not sure what he was going for, but it makes me sad that he caved into the pressure and did such an awful thing. And John died because of Herod's weakness. Herod's lack of courage to stand up for what was right enabled martyrdom.
This message hit me especially hard today because it goes along perfectly with lessons I have been learning in my own life.
I have struggled so much the past few years since becoming a mom. It's been very confusing because I LOVE my kiddos, and I LOVE being their mom, and I really want to do it full time! But somehow I have frequently felt very unhappy, lonely, anxious, depressed, and very very trapped for a big portion of the last few years.
I often felt like a wild animal that was caught in a little cage. I wanted to break out and be free, but had no idea how, and no idea why I was feeling that way.
After starting to go to therapy and with the support of my wonderful husband, I finally realized that I was suffering because I felt so much cultural and societal pressure. It was crippling. The feeling of needing to meet a certain standard was controlling my lifestyle and decisions. My head was filled with "should"s. My home should be cleaner. I should be spending more time making healthy meals. I should like cooking. I should look a certain way. I should always be happy. I should be teaching my kids all these things. My family should look like theirs. I should love home decor. I should have a cute home. I should wear stylish clothes that I don't like (and then have them ruined by spit up and applesauce and juice spills). I should be disciplining or not disciplining a certain way. I should be enjoying cleaning and organizing and doing nothing for myself. I shouldn't be unhappy. I shouldn't feel lonely. I shouldn't feel depressed. I should fit in with this group. I shouldn't talk about my interest in ___ because they wound't be interested. I shouldn't act like myself because they wouldn't like the person I really am.
When I realized all the false ideas that were creating a prison in my mind, and started to recognize specific things that were contributing to that feeling, I suddenly felt so free! I felt like a parrot who was let out of a cage and could finally fly again! I realized that I don't need to fit a cookie cutter standard of how or who people think I should be. And it also made me realize that many, many, many of us fall into this trap. Whether it's society or culture or school or relatives that make you feel like you need to fit a certain mold, the truth is, God doesn't care about whatever mold they are trying to make you fit. He wants you to be the person that He made you to be! The person that He designed you to be is far more beautiful and glorious than the you that is trying to be just like someone else.
The only person I want to be now is the person Heavenly Father wants me to be, and the person that I want to be! God gave me unique gifts and talents and interests. It is part of the sacred stewardship He has entrusted me with to develop those gifts, to explore those interests, and to share those talents. The LAST thing He wants me (or any of us) to do is to push those unique things aside, and try to be someone else.
Tying back to the scripture verse in the beginning: I think it's so dangerous for us to let outside pressures determine our decisions. Whether those pressures lead you into sin or into denying who you really are, living a life dictated by others does not make God happy. Our decisions should stem from within us and from God's direction and loving guidance. God speaks to us in our hearts and minds. He influences us with love, support, and encouragement. If you are feeling pressures and influences from outside sources, it's not from Him unless you can feel Him in your heart and mind (even if those pressures are encouraging you to do something good!) Agency is a key part of God's plan because it is the power to make our own choices. It is the power to choose to follow God. It was never God's plan for us to be pressured into doing good. That was Satan's plan.
God made me to be me. And I am...
a servant who loves Jesus Christ and desires to live according to His teachings.
a serious animal lover- like a really, really big animal lover.
a gal with a gift for nurturing.
a mom who LOVES her kids like crazy.
a loyal friend.
a tuba girl.
a wife who is crazy in love with her man.
a woman who needs meaningful relationships to thrive.
a Christian who thinks sex is awesome, loves talking about healthy sexuality, and who wants to break the culture of silence that so many Christians live in when it comes to sex.
a granola gal who is into natural remedies, natural childbirth, caring for nature and animals, and who tries to eat more veggies.
a girl who thrives on freedom and expression.
Who are you? God made you unique and beautiful!
Also- if you feel like other people's agendas or expectations are controlling or influencing your decisions, and you want to break free and be yourself, I recommend the book Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend!
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